I find these days I'm reluctant to simply glide my mouse to the delete icon when weed through the slew of press releases I receive daily from everyone and his dog (or so it seems on those dark Mondays). As a journalist I'm on the mailing list of pretty much all political parties (those who count and can count anyway) so as to keep a tab on things and, you never know, I may even come across a story. But I also have to unfortunately bear witness to the destruction of the English language by the likes of the ANC Youth League, Young Communist league and a host of one-man-and-a-fax-machine bodies who feel the need to react to anything and everything by virtually spamming journalists e-mail accounts. From the banal to the surreal, there's a press release for almost every occasion. If you hate capitalism give the Young Communist league a shout. If you hate colonialist, imperialists, well take your pick. There's the ANC Youth League, COSATU, the Anti-Privatisation Forum. For the paranoid white market there's Solidarity, the Freedom Front Plus.
Most of these organisations have a vent through which they can shovel their gargled, misguided sense of issues into their press releases, which if for nothing else, makes for entertaining reading.
"The concept of 'National Democratic Revolution' emerged from within Marxism-Leninism of it's analysis of the unfolding of national revolutions in the 20Th century.... zzzzzzzzzzz'. Snore, yawn. Now unlike most press releases from the National Union of Metalworkers of SA the scribe of this particular one from which I quote found the spell check button really quickly. An A for effort for Castro (that's apparently his real name) Ngobese (who cut his teeth in other 'Revolutionary' bodies like the Young Communist League). But as yet there's no function on computers to weed out stupidity. So Castor goes on fro about 4 million more paragraphs 'analysing' Marxism and plotting the downfall of capitalist pigs. Barely 2 more sentences into the release in question my mind started wandering into thoughts of suicide (not to worry, the Prozac was close by) as boredom gripped me by the crown jewels.
These groupings love the Communist Manifesto and Das Kapital. They endlessly seek out abstruse quotes which end up being nothing but obtuse. They then mangle the English language into unthinkable shapes. I suspect this is done deliberately to piss White people off. But let me not add to the liberal stoking of the racial fires of our time.
Sure, English is the first language of the likes of Castro and his convoy of comrades in the ANC Youth League. But surely if you want anyone (please raise your hand, if you dare) to take you seriously you'll take the time to do a quick spell check, at the very least, or finding a dictionary before firing off press release after press release attacking, scolding, blaming everyone in the world who doesn't share their mindlessness.
On the other side of the moron barricade are the not so right right-wing. 'There is a clear need for debate on this racist issue where we can talk across to each other about things in our mind" reads the one sentence from an unnecessarily verbose statement from a farmers union. I couldn't read past the first sentence as a migraine (initially induced by Castro's ranting) firmly took root, preventing my brain from tolerating anymore. Then we have police press statements. 'The alleged suspect was shot on the shoulder. He then fleed (sic) and is still on the lose (sic)'. Should I even go any further?
These days before pushing the delete icon I make point of gathering my colleagues around my PC so I can share these colourful statements. Peels of laughter follow and the true nature of most of these organisations who feel nothing about thinking before writing is revealed in all it's mad, ugly, misguided and worrying glory.
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