Queues are a modern day creation of the devil and the western imperialist forces of the counter-revolutionary capitalist pigs. They are inevitable, yes, but that doesn't make them any less irritating, annoying, laborious or testing. They are also the perfect example of narrow mindedness. How many times have you turned up at, lets say a Computicket outlet, where, let's say Kurt Darren is performing in Brackenfell. You should already know before leaving home that if it's a Computciket in Bellville, Boksburg or any Afrikaner (or Kurt Darren fan) stronghold, the queue is going to snake on for miles, comprising hordes of mullet-sporting, Subaru-driving, Klipdrift-swilling, Mr Price clothes-wearing fans. So, in short the queue's going to be a balls up. Nothing new here, that's the norm.But you arrive at the tail end of these evil, spirit killing lines not quite certain if this is the correct line. Yet you still join it, hopeful it's the right one, like a sheep joining a line to get slaughtered all because, well, it's a sheep and that's what they do - follow other sheep. You queue for potentially hours, only to learn it's not the queue for Computicket, but the one for the Annual Grand National Potjiekos Competition. You kick yourself, swear at the heavens and the devil in equal amounts and proceed to fantasize about bloodshed. The other scenario involves technology conspiring with queues to ruin your mood. Computers crashing in times of seemingly never-ending queues are grounds for a declaration of war. The unbearably long queues of desperate Zimbabweans outside many Home Affairs offices last December led to me almost finding religion again, as I collapsed to my knees in a display of gratefulness that I wasn't one of them. I didn't laugh or tease at these poor souls for the fear of karma biting me in the rear. I knew full well I had an appointment with a bank and we all know about bank queues. They are usually riddled with 3 types of people: very, very old people, those who can't seem to speak any of our national languages and those who relish picking fights with bank tellers. The geriatrics are usually hard of hearing. Couple this with them trying to communicate with a teller from the other side of those bulletproof, missile repellent windows and you have nothing short of a screaming match. The debacles which result from foreigners (or those who just can't speak properly) in a line at a bank could equate a so-called international situation. Bank managers become the UN and intense negotiations sometimes ensue as they deal with annoyed foreigners who thought they were waiting in line for the toilet.
Then you have the fight-pickers. They love arguments, they can't get enough of them. From hapless supermarket cashiers to petrol pump attendants, they can't resist starting a fight, often for no reason at all. So in the context of a bank, there you stand waiting for the only tell on duty to calm down such a belligerent fool before serving you. Waiting in ques as busy restaurants make no sense at all. Unless you're in a line outside a UN feeding station in Sudan and haven't eaten in days, waiting to be fed in a queue at apopular eatery is just plain stupid.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Unwishful thinking
The haze of the silly season should've lifted by now, or at least momentarily retreated to a nearby corner in your mind, ready to make an emergency appearance in the first days of 2011 should the stress of it all get too much. Oh how I crave that haze. We'll all soon miss the bliss it brings once the first New Years resolutions are broken, the despondency will soon set in as the grind takes its toll
Yes, indeed, the start of a new year is a stressful period. Going back to work is about as pleasant as a prostate exam minus the lubrication. Around this time as well, the cliche, the more things change, the more they stay the same may occur to a few, amid the the usual host of laboured new years mantras. Banal greetings are interspersed with the obligatory and usual insincere 'Compliments of the season'. This serves as a reminder of how new years rarely change or mark a difference to previous years for many. If we don't make empty resolutions, we draw up wish lists of sorts as to what we like to achieve or see change with the advent of another 12 months.
It's an election year. Yippee. More empty promises, baby-kissing, door-to-door campaigns, horse-trading, backstabbing and plotting await as the electioneering machine for the municipal polls creak back into action. Whatever you do, don't hold your breath for any amazing to come from the usual back alley antics of our political parties.
Wouldn't it be nice to see the end of bully politics in 2011? What are the chances Julius Malema will just shut up or at least try to make some sense? Wishful thinking, I guess.
If one more person asks me 'Are you on Facebook?' I fear the response will be a sift punch to the nose. I know I'm part of dying and some will say misguided breed who hate Facebook and Twitter, but I'm putting myself out there on this wish for 2011 - a return to the lost art of face-to-face conversation. Ridicule me all you want, but a Facebook-free communication style or at the very least an attempt to utilise you tongue (for speaking purposes) is 2011 is a dream, I know. But is it too much to ask that people just pick up a phone to ask me how I'm doing rather than poke me via the Internet.if one more person asks me 'Are you on Facebook?' I fear the response
I have to pinch myself to check if I'm dreaming while watching developments in the Ivory Coast. I know tantrums and petulance are an integral part of being a politician, but Laurent Gbagbo's taken it to a new level... of stupidity. How is it in the 21st Century we still have such tyrants running entire countries. These re people who believe by holding their breath and sulking when things don't go their way? Zimbabwe's own little dictator, Robert Mugabe, is also unlikely to go anywhere this year.
As is Justin Bieber. A glaze of happiness floats over my face when I think of radio stations free of this boy and the legions of bubblegum pop stars whose careers will be launched on Bieber's coat tails. I shudder to think of the consequences. His angel face and oh-so-squeaky-clean image, not to mention that pathetic hair style, don't fool me. He has horns growing under that mop. He's another talentless product of mindless music marketing, which only further signals how dire and vapid the entertainment industry will remain this year.
The Soccer World Cup was amazing. It's one of the highlights (if not THE highlight)of 2010 for South Africa. It's now a thing of the past, though. So please will everyone just stop trying to rekindle the mood it ignited. Enough with the corny references to the World Cup in endless marketing campaigns. Enough with this arrogance many display following what was overall a truly successful event.It's a new year, we've had more than 6-months to dwell on the successes and failures of the World Cup. Let's move on already.
Yes, indeed, the start of a new year is a stressful period. Going back to work is about as pleasant as a prostate exam minus the lubrication. Around this time as well, the cliche, the more things change, the more they stay the same may occur to a few, amid the the usual host of laboured new years mantras. Banal greetings are interspersed with the obligatory and usual insincere 'Compliments of the season'. This serves as a reminder of how new years rarely change or mark a difference to previous years for many. If we don't make empty resolutions, we draw up wish lists of sorts as to what we like to achieve or see change with the advent of another 12 months.
It's an election year. Yippee. More empty promises, baby-kissing, door-to-door campaigns, horse-trading, backstabbing and plotting await as the electioneering machine for the municipal polls creak back into action. Whatever you do, don't hold your breath for any amazing to come from the usual back alley antics of our political parties.
Wouldn't it be nice to see the end of bully politics in 2011? What are the chances Julius Malema will just shut up or at least try to make some sense? Wishful thinking, I guess.
If one more person asks me 'Are you on Facebook?' I fear the response will be a sift punch to the nose. I know I'm part of dying and some will say misguided breed who hate Facebook and Twitter, but I'm putting myself out there on this wish for 2011 - a return to the lost art of face-to-face conversation. Ridicule me all you want, but a Facebook-free communication style or at the very least an attempt to utilise you tongue (for speaking purposes) is 2011 is a dream, I know. But is it too much to ask that people just pick up a phone to ask me how I'm doing rather than poke me via the Internet.if one more person asks me 'Are you on Facebook?' I fear the response
I have to pinch myself to check if I'm dreaming while watching developments in the Ivory Coast. I know tantrums and petulance are an integral part of being a politician, but Laurent Gbagbo's taken it to a new level... of stupidity. How is it in the 21st Century we still have such tyrants running entire countries. These re people who believe by holding their breath and sulking when things don't go their way? Zimbabwe's own little dictator, Robert Mugabe, is also unlikely to go anywhere this year.
As is Justin Bieber. A glaze of happiness floats over my face when I think of radio stations free of this boy and the legions of bubblegum pop stars whose careers will be launched on Bieber's coat tails. I shudder to think of the consequences. His angel face and oh-so-squeaky-clean image, not to mention that pathetic hair style, don't fool me. He has horns growing under that mop. He's another talentless product of mindless music marketing, which only further signals how dire and vapid the entertainment industry will remain this year.
The Soccer World Cup was amazing. It's one of the highlights (if not THE highlight)of 2010 for South Africa. It's now a thing of the past, though. So please will everyone just stop trying to rekindle the mood it ignited. Enough with the corny references to the World Cup in endless marketing campaigns. Enough with this arrogance many display following what was overall a truly successful event.It's a new year, we've had more than 6-months to dwell on the successes and failures of the World Cup. Let's move on already.
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