Your year appears to hold much luck and happiness, read my horoscope, the first of 2012. I searched the ceiling, my little piece of 'heaven' for clarity to shine down upon this ambiguous and cock-eyed prediction, compliments of some whack job astrologer called the Doctor of the Stars (read: Poephol with a pony tail). I pondered a more African approach to predicting what a new year holds in store for me. The feeling passed, much like urine through my bladder or a mini-bus taxi through a stop street. The throwing of bones, shivering and speaking in tongues got me thinking... what would Jesus do? Realising the mind wanders even in the face of spooky sangomas and incomprehensible languages, I turned to the east. The Chinese say its the year of the dragon. Apparently much luck lies ahead. 365, no wait, it's a leap year, so one extra day to endure perilous reality and barrages of bulltwang.
Seeing into the future, boy if only I could! But here I lay, my head under the guillotine, awaiting the chop, should my lay person predictions for 2012 not come to fruition. Crystal ball, speak to me, buddy. Poof, a flash, some smoke, I see a vision... the words are becoming clearer - SHAZAM! Economic downturn. Yup, We know little to nothing of what lies ahead... except, the world won't have enough money... AGAIN! And so, while death and taxes are as certain as aging and grass growing, a firm and safe prediction for the new year lies in the state of the world's finances. Expect further hell-and-brimstone headlines; 'Economic crunch lingers' or 'Where'd our money go?' Shock and awe, except, it's not really all that shocking anymore. Same same, as Thai would lament.
Speaking of money going missing, another sure thing for 2012 is the ANC government's unending spending spree. Excuse me while I close my eyes and enter my trance state. Mumble, groan, shiver, salivate, scream and convulse. Another vision appears. I see mansions, blue light convoys, dodgy tenders, luxury vehicles and a complete disregard for the rest of the country. Smells much like 2011, doesn't it? Another certainty comes to me in a vision - Another bride for Jacob Zuma. I see his gut wobble as he prances, resplendent in dead animal hides and feathers, wooing a semi-naked female, herself scantily clad in a bra and beads, a self-satisfied smirk on her face. The dance of love. I've lost count how many Zuma's we as taxpayers are bank-rolling. What's a few more in 2012. But put your money on it, JZ will remain on the prowl this year, not just for prospective brides, but also for more cash and ignorance to keep his party running and his pals in plum jobs. Note, I said party and not country.
What's that in the crevice of my third eye, another apparition-like prediction - Julius Malema, Bloemfontein, succession battle... the vision coruscates into a prophecy or at least a mental e-mail of sorts. Much gnashing of teeth, shaking of hands (laden with cheques and other costly goodies) empty promises, skulduggery, betrayal and much resentment will appear at the ANC's national conference in December. Yes, the future of the party (and the country) will again be pondered and steamrolled into an uncertain reality. My minds suddenly goes blank (I fully expect the same at the conference). Darkness, momentary despair. Depression sets in at the thought of what the ANC has in store for us.
Pure horror occurs to me as I think of Nelson Mandela, what will become of our icon this year? I shudder. Let's not even talk about it. Okay, let's just mention it then. Should we brace ourselves for further rumours of his death (Thanks Bob Mabena. Thanks very much!)
On the technology front, we'll still be Tweeting until our fingers bleed and our brains turn to mush. Twats and tweets and twits and twirps, there's plenty to go around this year. Now the nausea sets in.
Here I was thinking we could shape a new year to, well, look new and different compared to 2011. I may not be an astrologer or Nostradamus's long lost cousin, 18 times removed. But I think I know enough of our history and the recalcitrance of the winds of change, which rarely seem to blow over South Africa these days, to firmly say, with little fear of being grossly inaccurate - Don't hold your breath and expect the powers that be to try too hard to make a change for the better. We, the nobodies, the Joe Publics and Jane Somethings, it's up to us to make changes (be it small), free of government, the ANC, politics and economics. In other words, independent of money-grabbing, power-obesessed, horrifically incompetent morons, who believe they are the centers of real change.
No comments:
Post a Comment