Who is really free these days? Wasn't it some French philosopher who drone on about us being free, yet in chains everywhere? While my Std. 7 history escapes me, my common sense is very much still intact. And it tells me public holidays are as pointless as royal weddings are. Sure, we get to lie in a bit, an expected unexpected mini-holiday of sorts, which breaks the grinding monotony of work. So, why then am I writing this column from my desk at work on Freedom Day! Where did I buy my cappuccino this morning and who will fill my fuel tank later when I eventually leave work - Us schmucks to whom a public holiday is very much a dream. I'm generally not bitter about having to work on public holidays. I like my routine and having these pesky days off in the middle of a working week are as inconvenient as having to wake up 6am to go to work on a public holiday. Hang on, I've gone cross-eyed!
If it's freedom you crave or human rights you need, never fear, South Africa's calendar never strays too far away from an issue or historical event to celebrate. Of course, we don't necessarily celebrate Youth Day. June 16th 1976 is a day which remains rightly hallowed in our history books due to it's violent origins. So, we commemorate the day... in theory. The ANC Youth League has been known to throw some cracking parties on Youth Day, complete with really sombre gestures like musical entertainment, dancing and free food parcels. No one knows the history of this country better than kindergartners.
While we mark significant events in our country's history with public holidays (an excuse to stick it to the boss and the economy) I propose we introduce even more! How about Dubula Ibunu Day (or even week). Here's how the first rally will play out. Julius Malema will be escorted into FNB Stadium in a cavalcade of SUVs. His 18 para-military bodyguards, equipped with rocket launchers and Ray Bans with beat a path for him to his throne. Of course a rally just wouldn't be a rally if Jules didn't bluster forth an attack on imperialism, White people, capitalism, 2-ply toilet paper and the state of the Gulf of Mexico. This would be followed by his latest rendition of the 'Shoot the Boer' song 'Loot the poor. Hey, it rhymes! Another poignant moment in the country's history could be declared a public loaf day - Polokwane Day. We'll lie in our beds and reminisce about how uncomfortable old T-Boz looked as he awkwardly embraced his arch rival comrade, Jacob Zuma on stage after it his demise was officially announced in 2007 to a hostile and welcoming crowd of ANC delegates. We also like to focus on our national past times. There's an unofficial 'holiday' called Braai Day, which falls on Heritage Day.
Government would do well to introduce Corruption Day. An entire 24-hours can be devoted to looting and pillaging. Now, I'm not talking about our other national hobby, armed robbery. On Corruption Day, we plot and conspire against each other to steal surreptitiously and to stab each other in the back. I'm talking about the wholesale signing of dodgy tenders, re-routing social welfare funds to be deposited into your personal bank account (you of course don't even qualify for a grant).
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